Choose
by harmonylucis
Summary: Choices. He has to choose, again and again, every second of this cycle breaking him. Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald, after wrestling with their emotions, finally comes to their own conclusions. Lots of poorly written anguish. Rated T for slight cussing. Posted on FF and Quotev.


**this is Inspired by an FE Chrobin fic (which has a similar style to this at the start) and some depressing Gelbus fic, also a Hetalia usuk fic.**

 **I decided to try something new.**

 **Anyways, here's Dumbledore's POV! Please respect this and give me some advice and stuff. This is posted on Quotev and under the name harmonylucis.**

 **I don't own the characters, just the plot. Praise to JK Rowling and plagiarism or translating is not permitted without the author's permission. Thank you.**

 **Also, shout out to DCOP for encouraging me to write this and Beta-ing.**

 **~Chapter 1~**

Albus Dumbledore likes it when it is clean. He likes it when his office is neat and tidy, with soft opera music playing along, and some Muggle candies.

Sherbet lemons, he tells himself, is always good.

Also the soft scent of Autumn, which doesn't remind him or _that_ summer.

Along with lots of books, and notes of his studies.

Albus, when he is upset, is a thing _different_ than the one who is calm all the time. It is hard for him to break, but when he does,

He would sit in front of the fireplace, writing letters, his face wet yet the only thing read them was the fire, his phoenix flying around.

Albus didn't have the courage to send them.

When Potter and Weasley and Granger, along with three others, had headed off to the Ministry and he had to duel to protect, despite knowing that the Dark Wizard wouldn't die-

"You do not seek to kill me, Dumbledore? Above such brutality, are you?'

"We both know there are other ways of destroying a man, Tom." he had told the Dark Wizard. Yes, Gellert leaving and Ariana's death did break him. He remembered looking at the seas and just wanting to jump off and destroy everything.

Because of Tom, he was reminded of another two duels he had participated in, and the sense of Deja Vu had hit him. It took years of practice to _not_ breakdown.

But, he regretted it- he regretted that he couldn't prevent another death, Sirius Black's- and it _was_ his fault. Just like the others.

No one's heart deserves to be broken. But it is not a privilege to be loved by all, and love should not be limited.

After that heart-sickening duel (not as sick as the one he had with Grindelwald though), Harry yelled at him, "I DON'T CARE! I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT IT OUT-"

"You do care." he had retorted.

 _Trust me, Harry, I know. But, I still had to carry on, and give up for the world._

§

Albus still remembers the day when he first met Gellert Grindelwald.

It was like yesterday, so vivid, like everlasting flowers blooming in vibrant green fields.

It had lead into his distances with everyone. Maybe except Elphias, but he never told his best friend what happened.

 _He is sitting in a room, reading. Anger still flamed him because of Elphias' letter; if not for Ariana he would be travelling the world._

 _If not for those attackers, they would be happy, and Albus would not be the head of the family. The sadness creeps up his throat, slowly consuming his thoughts._

If. What if Ariana was never harmed?

 _"Albus!" Aberforth roars from downstairs. "Damning come down here to greet our guests!"_

 _Albus sighs. He had found great company in books, and well, when you got lonely, you slowly got used to it._

 _He walks down the stairs as softly as possible and there are Bathilda Bagshot and a curious young man standing in the room._

 _"Albus!" is what Miss Bagshot greets him."How are you?"_

 _"Hello, Miss Bagshot, and I'm fine."_

 _"Pffft, no need the formalities, Albus. My great-nephew is staying here. He's just arrived, and I figure That you'd like some company after what happened." Bathilda gestures at the figure beside him._

Don't remind me of what happened, _Albus Thought bitterly._

 _"Hey, I'm Gellert Grindelwald. Nice to meet ya." the boy says with a slight German accent._

 _"Gellert!" Bathilda smacks her nephew lightly. "Have some manners, won't ya?"_

 _"No, it's fine," Albus shrugs it off. "I'm Albus Dumbledore. Would you like me to show you around Godric's Hallow?"_

 _He scans the stranger, who has blonde curls, greyish blue eyes and a thin face, which he found slightly attractive._

 _"Well, yes, thank you."_

 _The two stroll around the town, Albus introducing the buildings and striking out casual conversations._

 _"How old are you, Gellert? Are you a Hogwarts student?"_

 _"Sixteen. Got expelled from Durmstrang, that's why I have an accent. I'd prefer not to talk about it… the bastard." the new boy adds under his breath._

The bastard? _Does Grindelwald has emotional problems? Or got expelled accidentally._

 _Don't judge._

 _"Okay. So this is the Church. The wizarding part of Godric's Hallow lives over the right side, which we live…."_

 _Grindelwald takes in the area. Out of his corner of his eyes, Albus stared at his eyes, which were grey under the greyish sunlight hidden shining from the clouds._

 _"I've seen your articles on_ Transfiguration Today. _They're quite intriguing."_

 _"You read them?" Not surprising. Almost everyone had._

 _"The one on Transfigurating objects, and vanishing them... It was a bit rushed," Gellert notes._

 _"You noticed that?" Albus had indeed done it in a hurry. But he is glad that this boy didn't have formalities, like "I'm Mr Johnson, I am honoured to meet you. I've enjoyed your work, Mr Dumbledore…." Etcetera. It was annoying._

 _"For Example, you got the date of the First Record of Transfiguration wrong. It should be…"_

 _"Oh, really? I always thought it was 1609…"_

 _The chatter continued on. Slowly, They walk across the village. It is not until they come across the wizarding tombs does Grindelwald ask a question._

 _"Whose tomb is this?"_

 _Gellert's Question is surprising, as he points as the graveyard that Albus has just introduced him to._

 _"I don't know?" It comes as a question more than a statement, mixed with the uncertainty._

 _"Let's go check it out."_

 _They push through the gates, into the empty wizarding Graveyard. Gellert walks toward to one of the graves._

 _"The sign of the Deathly Hallows." He states._

 _"What?"_

 _Gellert rubbed his hand against his head. "You don't know?"_

 _"Nope."_

 _That symbolises the start of their friendship and all the plans that carried on._

 _§_

He sits in his room, eyelids closed, as death draws near and the potions master feeds Albus the cure.

"I was a fool." he tells Severus.

 _I still am; I hate myself for loving Gellert Grindelwald and blinding myself for love._

The Second Hallow, the stone, as known as the Horcrux, sat there, cracked. Just like his heart, suffering from having to choose.

He had long given up his dreams of pursuing them. Still, a memory pulses for his attention.

 _"Albus, you know, those Muggles are fools."_

 _Albus looks up from reading_ The tales of Beetle the Bard. _He nods and continues his reading._

 _Gellert waves his hand in front of Albus' eyes and shoves a fallen leaf from the tree onto to book. (they have been standing under the tree shade for a while)-_

 _"Hey!" Albus protests, annoyed, shoving Gellert._

 _"I advised you to pay attention, dear Albus." Gellert's eyes twinkles (That's who he had got that habit from) then shifts back to serious ones. "Those Muggles are fools. The witch hunts forced us into hiding! Why should we trust Muggles? I say we rule them. We shall show them who shall rule the world._

 _Albus nods again, glancing at Gellert's enchanting eyes, not really understanding. "'For the Greater Good'," Albus quotes his campaign words- no,_ their _campaign words._

 _The young man is bitter, and anger fuels him to believe in the dark arts. More importantly, something forces him down this road._

 _Something. Was it love?_

 _"For the Greater Good," Gellert agreed with a brief nod._

Love is such a weapon, Albus Thought to himself as Severus left, it makes you choose sides for the benefit of love...

He wished he had never met Gellert Grindelwald, yet he was glad.

That's why Albus, despite telling Harry that love is powerful, likes facts.

Because his emotions are haywire.

That's why the thing Albus sees in the mirror of Erised was a pair of socks that Ariana had given him before the Muggles made him lost control.

And another pair of socks, plain grey, that Gellert, despite being in hiding and organising his dark army, had sent him one December, and he had so regrettably not thrown it away.

§

Albus likes coffee, especially one in the morning.

 _"Gellert, don't you like coffee?" Albus had asked his best friend slash crush as they sat under the same tree one summer._

 _"No. It doesn't taste as good as butterbeer." Gellert shook his head._

 _"The taste of it?"_

 _"Curiosity isn't a sin, but you're turning it into one."_

Curiosity still isn't a sin. Albus thinks bitterly as he glances as his own cup.

Coffee isn't a good thing when you're about to die. He grimaces. The memories.

He feels weaker and weaker.

Death will arrive soon, and he'll never be the Master of Death. He couldn't.

The amount of wisdom he has gained over the years would be gone, and the work he had put into Hogwarts- will be the only reminder that he had ever been put into there.

And he could _apologise_.

How many times had this word pop up in his mind?

Forgiveness.

How is it to truly forgive someone? He had tried and succeeded with some students by seeing their reasoning behind their actions, yet he couldn't forgive himself.

And Gellert Grindelwald.

He can't forgive him, yet he still loved him.

Choices. He has to choose, again and again, every second of this cycle breaking him.

 _"After all this time?"_ he asks himself.

The same answer as Severus':

 _Always._

§

 _"Your obsession with the Hallows are giving out the rest of your life! You're not suited for taking after Ariana anymore!" Aberforth shouts at him ferociously._

 _No. Yes._ I don't know how to choose.

 _"It is!" Albus shouts back, despite knowing the truth._

 _More yelling occurred, until Gellert entered the house with a cheery face. It fades after he hears the noise._

 _"What's going on?"_

 _"He's not suitable for taking care of Ariana! You all are too obsessed with your Hallows!"_

 _"When we rule the world," Gellert growls, "I assure you, she doesn't need to be kept in hiding."_

 _"Your plans are obscured and idiotic!" Aberforth yelled back._

Stop arguing! _But he didn't want to involve, nor does he want to take care of his sister. He slowly retreated until-_

 _"Crucio!" the raised voice of Gellert echoed around the house, and Aberforth is In pain._

 _Lights flash again, two against one, wands raised, and yet, the Elder Wand was winning._

 _In the midst of the duel, there is a blast of differently styled magic._

 _Ariana has run into the room, trying to help, without knowing what was happening-_

 _Then she is dead._

His sister is dead.

 _The silence- echoing, in the house._

 _And Gellert ran, out of the house, leaving him and his brother in grief._

§

Albus did love his family, but he doesn't show it.

He doesn't care enough. Until the Muggles came.

And Gellert came.

Now he loves, but it is far too late for redemption.

 _The first time they met after that, it was in Germany. Albus was invited to his best friend's wedding in Germany._

 _"Germany is a very nice place. Plus, Shanne likes her homeland," Elphias had explained to Albus of why wasn't the wedding held in Britain._

 _He had arrived two days earlier as the best man for his best friend. Elphias had insisted that Albus should go home beforehand and he'd be fine, and here Albus was, walking back to his hotel-_

 _Until he caught sight of a tuff of not-familiar but recognisable blond hair._

 _Emotions raced in him: joy, anger, relief, dread, nervousness._

 _He couldn't help himself-he stares, trying resisting his desires and run away._

 _But Gellert just had to choose that moment to turn._

 _They gaped at each other._

 _Silence and thoughts raced through Albus' mind._

 _"Want a drink?"_

 _The words were out of his mouth before he closed it abruptly._

 _"Sure." Gellert's voice had become raspier than usual. Yet, Albus still liked it._

 _They tread along in silence as Albus stared at Gellert's features: same blue-grey eyes, slightly wearied facial features, forgetting that he was killing people_

 _That night, Albus didn't remember much after arriving at a bar. The topic of Ariana's death was not mentioned, and they had got drunk- a wild act for a young age._

 _He vaguely remembered hugging Gellert, and the other had returned it and stayed in his hotel until the next morning, where he had left as sudden as the wind, leaving nothing behind but memories._

Choose to love or not.

§

After the duel, every time, on the Fifth of May, and his sister's death in August he would always sit in front of the fireplace, always in a reverie.

Of course, he always couldn't manage to send the letter, as he had on random days.

This year is the same, except for the fact the Dumbledore was dying.

 _Serves myself right. I chose this._

Nearing the end of the school year, at the middle of June, he heads to Numegard for the first time.

He stands in front of the door, waving his wand to unlock the powerful curses he had put in the cell.

The rusty door creaks as he entered. "Hi."

"Hi?" There is Grindelwald, sitting ragged in the clean cell, voice raspy from lack of use. Wrinkles and lines traced along his old face.

"Hi is hi. Or do you prefer hello?" Dumbledore proceeds with caution, locking the door again. There, surprisingly, isn't any smell.

"Whatever."

"I am about to die, so I came to pay you a visit."

"Oh."

Silence.

He breaks it. "The dark wizard is powerful."

"Who, Voldemort? You could beat him for sure. I'm here after all"

"He made seven Horcruxes."

"Is that why he doesn't have a nose?"

Albus snorts. He couldn't help it. Gellert, seeing his amused Expression, gives out a pale smile.

"So, you're dying. Any happy stuff?"

"That's not why I came here, Gellert."

"Then why?" Grindelwald stands up.

 _Truth is, I missed you, but I don't know if forgiveness is an appropriate action-_

Instead of that, he says, "It's because he might come and find you after all of this.

"Okay… And one thing before you die- the food here is fucking terrible."

"You built this. Speaking of food, I bought you some sherbet lemons." in his pocket he reaches, three small candies wrapped in delicate wrapping.

"That candy? No thanks. Your tastes haven't improved over the years." Despite saying that, Gellert still takes them, popping one in his mouth. "Ew, sugar." he grimaces.

Albus didn't say anything. Gellert seems to be carefree, not worrying about anything at all, unlike his old self- ambitious and barely laughing at all.

"I'll just eat them after the terrible disgusting meals," he stuffs them into his jail outfit pocket. "You were saying?"

"I feel… oddly cheerful."

"Well, I guess so. Do you need a hug?"

"For what?" Dumbledore raises his weathered eyebrows.

The other man shrugs. "Luck. I guess? One hug, for luck for _there_."

So they do.

§

 _"Don't hurt them, please…. Kill me instead."_

Doubt courses through him.

It is just a terrible fear, nothing more.

Had he really forgiven him or not?

Again, It's his choice, he decides, as the poisons from the cave and the Resurrection stone courses through him, weak as ever.

Nothing, but death awaits him now, as he flies across the skies into the tower with the death mark.

Redemption or Forgiveness?

What is this feeling?

Even though he was old, he never grasped what really was feeling.

"Severus… please..."

Please set me free, from all the mess here, so I could _choose_ the best and be free of them.

"AVADA-"

Yes, maybe he could forgive Gellert, and maybe he could apologise to them, and he is not the master of death anymore- he'd leave that for Harry to destroy the Horcruxes-

And Aberforth without all the trouble;

 _I love you._

The most simple of words, is it? The truth.

"-KEDAVRA!"

And there is nothing.

§

 **Word count: ~2640 (minus the AN)**

 **This took about a month to write. Ugh. And this is probs the most decent stuff I have ever written, but it is STILL a terrible work.**

 **REVIEW, please, and feel free to ask questions.**

 **Yup. Definitely a terrible fan fiction.**

 **Please Review and favourite and stuff. I love feedback, and if readers (you) have good responses, I'd write the second chapter of Gellert's POV on this shot.**

 **Sorry for super long author's notes. Can't help myself.**

 **-Harmony**


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